Coming Out

A Private CultureStruggles To Come To Grips With Alternative Lifestyles (cont)

The Gay Kingdom
“It may very well be easier to find a gay hookup than a straight hookup,” says Fahd Al-Sharif, 29, an attractive architect from Olaya, the richest part of Riyadh in Saudi Arabia.

At the conclusion of the holy month of Ramadan, people are eager to jump out of their private solitude and smack into one of the world's most passive-aggressive cultures of sexual hunting. Young men of means have spent weeks primping and planning how to sift through as many men as possible in as short a time as available. The country's high rate of wealth affords the men a good deal of free time as they lightly supervise or oversee there own business, unfazed by the world’s plunging economy. "The demographic reality is truly amazing," Fahd says. "There is no need for jobs for many of us. So we spend a lot of time planning for fun. Discreet, quiet fun.”

He explains that you are well advised to be discreet, “The police target and punish men who are openly effeminate. Perception is reality, so if you look and act gay you might as well be, and the consequences aren’t worth the risk.”

Saudi Arabia is now a picture of paradox. Cinemas, drinking and women showing themselves are strictly forbidden in public. In private though, these taboos are forgotten, and gays and lesbians can be themselves. With deep pockets and high spirits and an easily recognized gay population, they can't keep a guy from leaping at other guys. In private, of course.

But that doesn’t stop the men from window shopping at the cosmopolitan shopping malls of the Red Sea’s beacon of ultra-conservatism. Malls and their ahweh cafés are the Saudi Arabia equivalent of a Lebanese nightclub. Gay Saudis making open passes at one another, slipping telephone numbers on notes prepared in advance or Blue Toothing secret messages with where to meet in private. The police, some in plain clothes and some in plain view, are on patrol, in part to keep boys away from the girls. But they exert little effort to stop boys from talking with other boys and women grouping together while they try on lingerie in private.

"In Riyadh and Jeddah it is completely impossible to start a conversation with a woman, because you aren’t permitted to speak with women in the Gulf," says Fahd. "But a pretty boy that is very friendly is much easier to speak with and make an easy connection.”

A troupe of four meticulously dressed and made-up guys wander the mall in front of us. They give off a vibe that says, “It’s okay to look. I'm looking, and so is he and so is he.” For the men here, dressing fashionably is a competitive game; stare-down contests between young men are common.

Faisal Al-Hakim, a retired psychologist who practiced in Germany and Beirut, says that the need for outward appearances to show a strict, clean lifestyle leads to proverbial pendulum swinging completely the other way. "Throughout my practice, the main issue that comes up with many gay men is that they can't find anyone to be with or to marry," he explained. “This leads to a lot of quick liaisons and a lot of infidelity. The social pressures on men are just huge. The focus is on finding a wife, courtships are quick, the competition is intense and conformity is a big thing.”

As the world changes, the gay pool swells, in part because of the incredible number of Saudis who have returned from the States, due to stricter visa policies. The men, who return with newfound freedom and a liberal mindset, are finding the new Saudi gratifying. “A bunch of us left and discovered a new way of living,” says Fouad Chamieh, 24, who recently returned from the United States. “Call it free love or jungle fever, but any way you put it we don’t feel oppressed by the old thinking or threats of punishment here.”

Still, calling Saudi Arabia the Gay Kingdom is a stretch at best. Ask many Saudis about gays and lesbians, and most will cringe in disgust. “I disapprove,” Manal al-Zulfa, 28, college prep teacher told me emphatically. “Women aren’t supposed to roll around with women, and men aren’t supposed to be kissing men.”

Hatred
You hear the results of the coming out stories:
• Parents not speaking to their sons and daughters.
• Friends turning their backs and telling their friends.
• Family negotiations to welcome fiancés, but only under the conditionsthat their acquaintances would not be told.
• Sisters being locked in their rooms and threatened to be disowned.

These are but a few of the reactions when families from the Middle East learn that a son or daughter is gay. Not unexpectedly, many gays and lesbians attempt to keep their sexuality a secret–only to be harangued into loveless marriages where parents pressure their kids to “reform” and marry the “natural way” with partners of the parents’ choosing.

Of all the Middle Eastern countries, Israel is the only country to outlaw discrimination based on sexuality, and Palestinian gays escape there to seek sanctuary. Lebanon is the first country to handle HIV/AIDS issues with open dialogue. In Istanbul, there are gay parades and freedom of expression for homosexuals and transsexuals without an oppressive fear of repercussions from the government. Iran is one of five countries still executing people for being gay. Ironically, transsexuals are accepted as having a mental disease, so a sex change operation may cure them, whereas homosexuals are deviants and should be killed. Lebanon, Turkey and Israel are the only Middle Eastern countries which allowed “Brokeback Mountain” to be viewed—although in Lebanon the movie was shortened from its released time of 134 minutes down to 52 by clipping all questionable scenes!

 

• Pages:
• 1
• 2

Insider Sub stories